Hospital Food Do’s and DON’T’S!

When you take a grumbly stomach, and attempt to please it, do yourself a favor and shy far away from the banquet hall of misery that is Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh. Allow me a few shades of the disharmony that operates in a surgical manner of discontent and awkwardness that approached my eager and near panicky palette.

Issue #1.

When a vending machine greets you with a welcoming rumble only for actual placement of said dollar to be left weary and rejected from the complete lack of mechanical stirrings AFTER the initial welcome. Note to self, looking directly into the eyes of the beast, and jamming the dollar, and DIFFERENT dollar bills from any number of angles for consecutive tries over anguished minutes will only increase your utterance of the word “Bastard!”

Issue #2.

9:35AM in most parts of the United States is a wee bit closer to the late clinging on of breakfast than the early rumblings of lunch, at least for rational risers of a later morning dietary schedule. Being “greeted” by steaming hot pans of……nothing, isn’t much of a warm greeting at all. Furthermore disenchantment ensues when the burger barf patties sit idly by across the way on the lunch griddle with cold wisps of air rising from their pre-made vile little forms.

Issue #3.

With fly drawing sweet roll, Nutri-Grain flavored muck, and overly sweetened OJ in hand, the continuing lack of discontent is brought further into blissful harmony by the ineptitude of a cashier smashing about on register keys only to reject my credit card time and time again. Enter cashier number 2. Functional and fast is always welcome, but the price tag of $4.66 for a breakfast of freeze dried, larva loving, sweet syrup delight…… not.

Now while I’m assuming most folks won’t travel or stay for the food down here at Mercy Hospital, I would like passersby to drop out of their way, give or take a few hundred miles, to take jaw dropping note…….of the future! (Note photo below for the future’s resounding presence!)


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