Good Morning: A Short Play in One Act

I am not by nature a morning person. I was absolutely one of those undergrads that made her course schedule decisions based on this factor. In four years of college, my earliest class was at 10 am. For as long as I could manage it post-graduation, I managed to keep a PM work schedule, but bit by bit, my life has changed: jobs have required me to be there earlier and earlier, commuting routes required earlier and earlier leave times, and (thankfully) improved hygene has required earlier wake times. Basically, I had to become the kind of person who could work a 9 – 5.

And I guess I have become that person, at least to a certain degree. I am able, with a bit of struggling, to turn five hours into a 7 am start. With the addition of coffee, I can make it through the day with only moderate sluggishness, usually at its height a half an hour or so post-lunch.  Finding that I needed a little bit of aimless time in the mornings, I have even been able to get up early enough to check my email and favorite news websites. Once in a while, I even have enough time to eat and drink a cup of coffee in my own home.

More often than not, the struggle to get out of bed is battle of wits between my tired self and the responsible self. The responsible self is not above dirty tricks in order to get what it wants: recently it has abandoned its pledge to eat healthier in favor of using food bribes as a way to get my lazy, sleepy self out of bed. The dialogue is usually something like this:

Cold Morning, Sweet Deception
A tale of the morning, told in one act.

Sleepy Self: (Reaching for alarm) Five… more.. min… (snoring)
Responsible Self: Hey… hey… HEY!
SS: (Shuddering awake) What, huh? WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
RS: You’ve got to get up. It’s quarter past seven. Time to get up.
SS: No. NOooooooo…. (snores)
RS: Come on… You can do this… You HAVE to do this!S
SS: Why? Why do I have to? I could just stay in bed for one day. One day! It’s not going to kill anyone. They’re not going to care.
RS: It’s not up for debate – you have a job, you have to go to that job. Get up.
SS: No.
RS: Get up!
SS: NO!
RS: (Switching tactics, that sneaky bitch) Okay, look, it’s not fair. You’re tired, it’s cold, you want to stay in your pjs and socks, warm in bed until your body tells you it’s time to get up, not some screetching, sadist alarm clock. And I totally understand that. But I promise you this: if you get up now, you can get a shower, get dressed, and be out the door in enough time to get a cup of coffee before work. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? A nice big cup of delicious hot coffee? And maybe, maybe even… a donut?
SS: (An eye opens) Donut?
RS: Sureee… a donut! A donut and coffee… Sounds really good, right?
SS: Yeaaahhh….
RS: With frosting… maybe even custard filling…
SS: (Drool) Num num num…
RS: But you don’t get a donut until you get out of bed.
SS: Aw, but –
RS: You want it, right? Donut? Donut and coffee?
SS: (Sighs) Yes. (Sits up) Yes, I do.
RS: That’s a good girl…. NOW GO GO GO GO!

A defeated Sleepy Self gets out of bed, shivers, wanders down to the bathroom. Responsible Self laughs maniacally.

Fade to black.

THE END

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